Building Self-Love For Perfectionists Series - Part 6
How to love yourself more when you are a perfectionist
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FULL TRANSCRIPT
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Last week I shared that the 5th obstacle to self-love is the fear of rejection. I was listening to a recent interview with Marci Shimhoff, the author of Happy For No Reason. She exclaimed: "When you lack self-love and worthiness, performing for love is the only way to get love." Let me repeat this, performing for love is the only way to get love.
Hi, I’m Pascale Gibon. Welcome to episode 242 of the Everyday Life Balance Show. Thank you for tuning in.
In this episode, I will share the 6th obstacle to loving yourself more if you are a perfectionist. It is a lack of self-compassion.
But first, let me explain self-compassion. Self-compassion is sympathy directed towards you to end your suffering.
I would say that as a perfectionist, you are your worst harsh critic. You find it difficult to appreciate who you are and what you do with love. You beat yourself up if you make the slightest mistake and put yourself down if you do not succeed at your first attempt.
Yet the most successful people in their field affirm that failing is part of the process and is just the feedback that you need to bring about changes.
A lack of self-compassion affects your relationship with others. You are so afraid of being inadequate and eager to act inauthentically to please others that you perform for love to get love. However, there is a problem as you seek appreciation from others, you end up taking love more than you give love.
In addition, when you focus only on doing well, performing well, you become, in some instances, more self-absorbed than giving.
Let me share an example: You are trying to write a book, and the fear of being judged, criticized, etc., stops you from serving the people you are to help with compassion. As a result, you remain stuck in your comfort zone and do not fulfil your calling.
When you show signs of co-dependency and crave appreciation, you are not comfortable yet in your skin. Moreover, you do not appreciate yourself enough. You give others your power whenever your happiness is dependent on their appreciation and love.
To overcome the 6th obstacle to self-love for perfectionists, you need to start growing in self-compassion and build inner happiness. I favour inner happiness because it is unshakable, from my experience, and is not dependent upon any external factor.
I believe that this is where most people who want to increase their well-being get it wrong. Your true well-being and happiness do not depend upon any external factor but on how you feel deep inside and who you believe you are in truth.
Once you take control of your happiness from the inside out, you build self-love unselfishly and unconditionally. For this purpose, start to open your heart instead of contracting it. You were born to shine.
Here are a few ways you can grow in self-compassion:
- Start to appreciate your character and keep improving yourself. Success is about building a person of character who feels confident. You build self-confidence when you continue to grow in awareness about yourself.
2. Appreciate others more to see in them what lies in you. If you tend to judge, blame and complain as a harsh critique, start building more compassion and appreciation towards others.
3. Whenever someone pays you a compliment, open your heart. Take it all in instead of contracting and belittling the event.
4. Change your mind by being consciously aware of your self-talk. You can start to create the new habit of cancelling any negative remarks, put-downs and limiting beliefs that get in the way of loving yourself more. Remember that it takes 66 days to create new neuropathways. Therefore, what will be tested is whether you are consistent and persistent enough. Get back on track as quickly as possible if you get off track.
I trust that you know what to do. However, you might not be consistent enough. Perhaps you started a new success habit, adopted it for a while, and then stopped.
5. And lastly, take your inner child to play and ask yourself: “What is the most loving thing I could do for myself today.” Do something outstanding for yourself to self-nurture. Show that you care about yourself. For example, if you feel unhealthy and complain about it, do something about it and start treating your body as a temple. You can do this!
I hope you enjoyed today’s episode. As always, remember now is your time to transform your life one step at a time.
Begin today to eliminate, step by step, the put-downs, limiting self-belief and self-doubt and start to let your light shine brightly.
I will end this episode with a quote from Dave Pelzer:
“To help yourself, you must be yourself. Be the best that you can be. When you make a mistake, learn from it, pick yourself up and move on.”
Authenticity is underrated, yet without it, you are misaligned.
I look forward to connecting with you next Monday. Have a great week, take care and lots of love.
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ABOUT PASCALE
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Pascale Gibon is the #1 Bestselling author of YES! TO Love – The Ultimate Guide to Personal Transformation for Everyday Life Balance and The Essential Guide To Success Checklist - The 30 Day Challenge to Build Your Path to Success and Fulfil Your Life's Purpose.
Pascale is also the founder of YES! TO Love Academy (her live events) and YES! TO Training (or Y.T.T. YES! to True Transformation) your portal for personal transformation which helps you stand back up so that you can regain your zest for life, make your life work for you and quantum leap every aspect of your life from the inside out. The results are more joy, real happiness and success as you increase your self-expression, self-love, self-confidence, and you feel empowered.
Known as a 'Change Catalyst' for your growth, transformation, and success Pascale is highly intuitive. She has the particular talent of helping you walk 100% in your greatness with confidence and harness your unique divine gifts and abilities so that you can live your life to your fullest potential and be the best that you can be with the energy of love.
As a visionary and creative, her life's purpose is to inspire and empower you and guide you to happiness through love and joy in the context of understanding and compassion.
Meet Pascale at pascalegibon.com.
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ABOUT THE EVERYDAY LIFE BALANCE SHOW
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The Everyday Life Balance Show is a weekly self-help show for individuals who want to create more balance and harmony in their life on a mental, physical and spiritual level. Every Monday, you get access to insights, practical tools and strategies from experts in their field of wellness, personal development, life fulfilment, happiness and success and from your host Pascale Gibon. "Now is your time to transform your life one step at a time!"
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